Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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