i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
