I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
