I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
