I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
