i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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