Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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