Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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