Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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