Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
