Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
