you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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