a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
