she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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