dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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