his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
