I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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