I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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