i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
