I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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