I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
