okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
