So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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