you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
