There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
