So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
