My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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