drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
