he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
