Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
