What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
