I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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