just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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