I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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