Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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