my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
