we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
