In the future we'll all be gay
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
