yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
