My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
