plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
