Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
