Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself

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(808): I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself http://tfl.nu/wwe7

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(802): View more from Vermont

the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME

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(802): the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME http://tfl.nu/i706

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(952): View more from Minnesota

He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

(320): View more from Minnesota

Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

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(952): He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job. (320): Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud. http://tfl.nu/wke9

Replies (38) Good night (7552) Bad night (617)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.

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(574): I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA. http://tfl.nu/q47o

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(513): View more from Ohio

How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??

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(513): How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last?? http://tfl.nu/wkzl

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(817): View more from Texas

I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home

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(817): I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home http://tfl.nu/rtxe

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(970): View more from Colorado

She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.

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(970): She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/2nbx

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn

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(413): Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn http://tfl.nu/brfq

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(250): View more from British Columbia

You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.

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(250): You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians. http://tfl.nu/wcxi

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.

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(724): Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me (1-724): He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit. http://tfl.nu/ml5w

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.

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(908): Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad. http://tfl.nu/akuu

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(515): View more from Iowa

Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous

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(515): Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous http://tfl.nu/c0i4

Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (148)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me

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(270): I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me http://tfl.nu/n5ey

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?

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(267): Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am? http://tfl.nu/20h1

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(817): View more from Texas

Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"

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(817): Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn" http://tfl.nu/96q8

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