you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.