Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle