Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
