My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.