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Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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