He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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