Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
