Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
then he tried to convert me to islam
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
