and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bring me that man meat
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
