Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
