what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
