I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
