I wish I could punch you in the face.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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