i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
