I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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