community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
