Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
