My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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