: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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