I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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