Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
