I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
