I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
