That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is classic penis vs brain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
