I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
