Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
