how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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