i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
