apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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