why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
