Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
