woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
