I hate your face
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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