Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
