I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
