i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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