Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
