I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
