just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
