Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
